Jenna (nennerfree) wrote,
Jenna
nennerfree

My happy ending...

I hate that I am completely dependent on other people to make me feel the way I do.
Sometimes I can't stand other people and I just want to be alone. I rarely ever want to go out and do anything. I don't know if it's the people or if it's me. I long for someone I can totally relate to. I long for a best friend who I can just call and they will come over and have sleepovers with me. I know I've said this all before, but I still wish for it.
But when I think about it, I often think I'm the reason for not having a good friend with similar interests. I don't go out and meet new people. But really I don't know where to go. And now I think I'm making excuses for myself.
I've come to really enjoy spending time alone. I'd rather spend it alone because it's peaceful. I don't have to fight with anyone and I can do whatever I want when I want to. It's just so much better that way, or so it seems.
I haven't liked hanging out with Brian lately because HE NEVER LISTENS TO ME. I tell him that he can't spend the night so he tries to fall asleep just so I can't kick him out. I fucking hate when he does that and that's why we're fighting so much lately. I get so mad at him every time I look at him because I feel like he doesn't respect me. I saw him at school today and we hung out for about 10 minutes. I left, though, as soon as he tried to be all on me. I can't stand PDA and I can't stand when he tries to kiss me and grab my ass. I think it's FUCKING DISGUSTING and we fight EVERY TIME he tries to do it.
Sometimes I think he's the reason I don't want to hang out with anyone. By the time I'm done with him I'm already at the end of my rope. I don't feel this way all the time, it's just when he doesn't listen to me. We're gonna have a talk about that.

So Brian and I are fighting, and I feel sorta bad about it because I know I'm just being a bitch. I am very hungry right now, I don't have a life, and I have to stay at DBCC an extra semester because I can't take the CLAST. I was happy about it before, but I'm not.
There goes the three days of my life where it didn't suck completely.

And that doesn't even count the cuntface of a boss I have. But I'll save that for the next post.

When I think, I get myself into trouble.
When I don't think I get myself into trouble.
There's just no happy medium.
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